Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Grief

Grief in many ways is similar to depression in my experience. The sense of overwhelming despair is just as prevalent. The unwelcome sensations that appear to be beyond your psychological control are in that sense exactly the same. However both of these emotional states come with their own voice. In my recollection of depression the voice itself often made irrational, illogical and destructive statements about my self worth. The ability to combat that in a conscious way, through rational logic was able to give me some relief from it, although it obviously was not by any means a cure. Grief on the other hand has it's bearing in reality. It's voice cannot be dismissed through logic in the same way. The loss, the despair and the compelling futile desire to be able to interact with that person again are completely rational and logical. There is no argument against this voice, in fact I can only be in agreement with it. I can only rationalise that I am indeed supposed to feel this way. However with the compulsion and guilt and regret from past failures comes irrational fantasies of living in the past, and improving on those interactions that took place, of course these have no bearing in reality since you cannot alter the past. So in that sense rational logic can combat that too. But it is only in my theological understanding of what remains of the born again believer that I can find comfort. The guaranteed promise of being reunited with the saved soul through Jesus Christ is extremely comforting because it means that past failures are potentially correctable, although from my understanding they will become irrelevant when we are reunited. Jesus Christ will wipe away every tear from those that trust and believe in Him. I have no idea how anyone with a similar theological understanding could cope with the loss of a loved one that does not know Christ because that reassurance is not there. I would imagine it would lead to guilt for not being able to convince them to come to accept Christ too, even if that is realistically an oversimplification of a souls spiritual journey. I expect one day I will find out, because, even though I know I will improve my ability to show people the door that Christ knocks on as I grow spiritually they still have to make that decision to open it.

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